take me away

will you please take me far away? I want to go on an adventure. will you love me all the way to heaven and back again? love is a good thing. will you sing with me? I could sing forever. let us go look at the stars again. they are very bright tonight. and when that is over, please sing me to sleep.

the fox said so

Someone once told me, 'you become, responsible, forever for what you have tamed.' I suppose it's difficult to be responsible sometimes.
I rejoice because I am free. I am not lost, and I am happy and smiling. I hope all can feel this way. all.

thoughts

I was listening to music and felt very calm and peaceful, and I just started smiling to myself, looking at the scenery pass me by. I was on a train.
I refuse to see anything sentimental about bugs bashing themselves into blue lights and getting fried to a crisp. they're just too stupid for their own health.

mom comes in and says, 'eunice go do you work'
dad comes in and says, 'eunice, you better go do your work'
Iris comes in and says, 'eunice, better go start working cause this year's no joke'
toet comes in and says, 'eunice I believe in you'
'we all do'



I better go do my work.

lullaby

I sat in the car thinking on the way home from church, looking out the window. I became aware of toet singing along with sleepy jim reeves songs. mom joined in with her, saying 'we're going home at last.' I smiled.

spinning

eunice is standing in a garden just spinning, singing, looking up at the sky, and laughing. she could just go on like this and not get tired. this is how eunice feels.
I realized today that I have come to a point where I communicate with my maid using a series of grunts and actions. I just see her and I can't speak malay anymore.

tired

I am tired, I feel tired. beautiful words that have been twisted into lies. such things should not be contaminated, but to my dismay they have been.
I have been blatantly lied to, used, hurt, threatened, and betrayed. I said to myself, 'it's alright.' I told them, 'it's alright.' I don't know if they were sorry. I could be wrong but,well, I don't think they were. I don't think they care at all. but I told myself 'it's alright.' maybe I was just thrown aside as quickly as possible, and every moment of trying to explain with lies was dragging on and was just a waste of time. I don't think they cared much when I said 'it's alright.'
but to me, I still think let it be. For is not forgiveness divine? not saying I'm divine, far from that. but we all strive to be kind don't we? don't we all strive to be more like how our God wants us to be? and do I not say 'forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us'? I am holding myself to that. I don't know what this is. I don't think I am the same person I was a few months ago. such expriences change us I suppose. I don't know if this could be called strength, maybe it is.
but whatever strength I have, it was bestowed upon me by my Lord. I could not have borne all this on my own and I am thankful.

what to say

'roll across'
I looked at the mat. It was smothered with slime and there were pools of goo in some places. my shorts felt damp cause of all the slime covering them. I was dirty already so I decided I might as well do the forfeit. I ended up having all that starchy slime in my hair. I suppose it was quite funny.
I'm missing my friends though. It's natural I suppose. ugh, meeting new people is difficult.

pain

oh yes. a lot of pain comes with caring about people. I hate saying goodbye to people I love. this is the third time this year. I must cry myself to sleep now.
I hope you're happy where you are mama.

Dear

do you love me? I love you. I love everyone around me. I love my family, I love every single one of my friends.
why has everyone become so dear? It causes me pain.

smiles

well, I don't know how, but I got my posting at 7.30 this morning. smile for me, I am happy. I was feeling really down last night. I sat in my room thinking. I decided that I was made of stronger stuff, and didn't have to feel sad. or maybe I'm just telling myself I'm tough, though without all the support of people around me, I would have actually crumbled. how many knives would you throw with your careless disregard? I think I grew stronger, but I haven't become bitter. quite the opposite, actually. I prayed.
Everybody in the world should have a copy of The Little Prince.

senses

Today was one of those days that fill your senses. I had to walk in today and I'm glad I did. I think I've never seen a carpet of flowers before, so today would be my first time. I liked it. That was as I was walking past the park. walking further in, I saw a lot of trees with huge bunches of flowers hanging of the branches. And everytime the wind blew, some flowers floated to the ground. I loved it, just walking with flowers falling all around me. I could have stood in the middle of the road and looked up at the trees watching flowers float down forever. But common sense told me that a car would probably knock me over if I kept standing there like that. So I went home. I took the long route to see how the hibiscus flowers were.
It was refreshing, somehow, to find upon entering the house that the house smelled like rice. I put down my things and went for a walk. I went to the park with soong. we just sat on the swings talking, until this little boy came up to us smiling. So we went away because we knew he secretly wanted to sit on the swings. we found a bench surrounded be falling flowers and carpets of flowers as well. we cleared the bench and I found my hands to be sticky because of the sap.
I liked sitting there talking, with flowers falling from the sky all about me.
Maybe because it reminded of cherryblossoms in spring. I like cherryblossoms in spring.

fuzz

it's funny how when you're feeling down, disney movies can make you feel better. well, it works for me anyway. I wasn't feeling too great earlier, kind of sad actually. I caught Aladdin on the disney channel while I was channel surfing. I felt happier, and now, I'm not really so bothered about my troubles. Maybe because I used to watch it when I was young. I don't know. Come to think of it, watching The Incredibles yesterday made me smile. I feel better already.
warm fuzzy feelings are headed my way.

God knows

It's true, God does know what's going on. I am sorry for what I have done wrong, and I know that I am so blessed and lucky. I wonder why.
I guess it hurts me once in a while, to know that I forgave wordlessly, and was forgotten so quickly.

troubled

I am having trouble bringing my sorrow forth. what can I do but sigh? Straight out, I'm feeling sad. This week is very dreary and boring. let's stab eunice in the chest and see what happens.

ohana

Napoleon feels that it is very important to say that she loves her family very much. she is very lucky and blessed. Christmas last year was the best ever. Napoleon wants to have christmas like that again this year if possible.

yellow daisies

I woke up this morning and remembered something. I once visited someone at the hospital. I think it was Mount Alvernia. I stopped at far east flora and bought a bunch of yellow daisies and walked to the hospital. I was very pleased with the yellow daisies. They were very pretty, except that one was wilting. well I couldn't do anyting about that. They looked like sunshine.
So I arrived at the hospital and took out the flowers and gave it to the person I was visiting. I think they made the room look brighter. I was wondering whether I shouldn't have bought them; whether they were a mockery of what I believed in. The flowers and I were easily forgotten. Too bad though, they were very pretty.
I woke up this morning feeling a little sad.

but I was very pleased with myself yesterday for buying a green fan for $2. And I was also pleased with myself for having a winning streak at soong's house until phyllis sabotaged me into losing just to spite me. And I was glad I managed to stuff myself with eggplant yoghurt and arabic bread dipped in hummus yesterday. And I am very pleased with myself for finding a book and ordering it online. I'm also very pleased with myself for getting an A1 for math and Amath which I'm going to celebrate about today.

silence

I surprised mom and toet by watering the plants and washing the dishes.
someone asked me today, 'why do you talk so much crap'
why? I'm trying to make myself laugh and distract myself from thoughts. I have many memories stored up in my brain that I'm trying to distract myself from. I can't think about these things when other people are around, they make me sad.
In all honesty, when I'm not laughing, I'm just trying to find a quiet place within myself. When I get there I try to think about things. I try to think them out. And here I go, growing up again and becoming more sombre. I don't think I've become more serious and bitter in the process. I managed to come to a place where I'm more aware of the reality of life, and I'm trying to deal with the troubles with some grace and acceptance. Acceptance, that's the word. I think I've become more accepting.
Part of me still wants to refrain from growing up.

white roses

I badly want to buy white roses and go to the sea. I want to go say goodbye to mama. I found a piece, it's not orchestral, it's a band piece. It made me think of my mama when I heard it. It just sounds like her song, if she had a song. "An American Elegy" I heard it first last night when I went for the SAJC band concert. Congratulations, you made me cry.

There were angels in the water.