silence

I surprised mom and toet by watering the plants and washing the dishes.
someone asked me today, 'why do you talk so much crap'
why? I'm trying to make myself laugh and distract myself from thoughts. I have many memories stored up in my brain that I'm trying to distract myself from. I can't think about these things when other people are around, they make me sad.
In all honesty, when I'm not laughing, I'm just trying to find a quiet place within myself. When I get there I try to think about things. I try to think them out. And here I go, growing up again and becoming more sombre. I don't think I've become more serious and bitter in the process. I managed to come to a place where I'm more aware of the reality of life, and I'm trying to deal with the troubles with some grace and acceptance. Acceptance, that's the word. I think I've become more accepting.
Part of me still wants to refrain from growing up.