hungry yet full

I stared at my bowl of tortellini. I didn't want to stop stuffing my face because I still felt [and still feel] hungry. I could tell my stomach was full though. So I forced myself to stop. I'm going to have to get used to late dinners again. and coming home and being alone and afraid. mom's going back to L.A. next week.
"Mama is swelling" it sounded funny in my head. One corner of my brain laughed. I couldn't help but picture a cartoon swelling with air like a balloon, then popping and being back to normal again. I can't laugh though, because I know how it will be. Mama will be crying all the time, saying she doesn't want to leave us, even though I think deep down, she's also scared. Her eyes won't be bulging in that cartoony way, they'll be tired and have bags underneath. Her face will be drawn, so will Toet's and mom's. She won't be able to support herself and sit up. She'll be very tired. And she'll know that it's not just her hands swelling anymore, but her leg and other parts too. She'll be going on dialysis.
I know there isn't much time left. she can't hear too well anymore, especially over the phone. Which is why I always make it a point to scream into the receiver.
I'll be here though. I'll be hungry and alone again. Yai might be around for a while though, so maybe it won't be so bad.